TOO AFRAID TO SPEAK

I came across a blog today from a mother whose child has selective mutism. She wrote that she is in despair and needs someone to reach out to.

I know my mother felt the same way when I was a child. "Why isn't your daughter speaking? What's wrong with her? is something happening at home?" Truth be told, I was in a constant battle with MYSELF. "Answer the question, Jennifer", I would plead with MYSELF. But I remained frozen, lips as if stuck shut. Oh, was I ever angry... with myself.

"I know the answer. But I might say it wrong. People will stare at me when I speak. They are all being so quiet because they want to hear my voice. They are waiting. They are still waiting. The words are not coming out even though I'm rehearsing them in my head...." This dialogue within myself was a daily routine.

That was close to two decades ago. But the pain of having this silent disease... that feels like yesterday.